Emily…not in Paris but moving around Japan.

Read my rambles while walking through the streets of the place I’ve called home for the past 8 months.

Oh hi. Welcome to my journal entry.

A series of flowers indicating the passing of time. Camelia (winter flower), sakura (cherry blossoms) to the same tree one losing all of its blossoms, azalea that looks like sakura, azalea at Nezu Jinja

Looking back, I laugh at how many times I’ve gotten lost in Tokyo, or how I would black out while attempting to speak to the workers in Japanese at 7eleven. I get frustrated about my slow progress with the language and how much of Kaoly san’s philosophical words and lectures I have missed. I still get confused about Japanese cultural etiquette. I am embarrassed and ashamed for doing things culturally wrong, and scared about how many times I’ve offended people that I deeply care about (and to those not familiar with Japan, just know that the cultural norms are different, just like any non-American country). I am grasping at trying to learn humble-ness, generosity, and patience, something that I’ve forgotten about while living in America. But mostly, I’m wondering what will be next for me, in the near future, but also for the long term.

After a taiko performance for Yoshiro Hayashi’s first solo exhibition, listening to Monk Beat’s wave speakers at Tenmizu Umeda (overlooking many rice fields)

Maybe this post is for 20 year old Emily who thought deeply about quitting college and auditioning for KODO’s apprenticeship, but was told, out of good intentions, not to pursue taiko professionally. Or to 26 year old Emily who missed the KODO age cutoff, and wondered if other opportunities existed in Japan. Or to 29 year old Emily, who reached the epiphany that many of her apprehensions stemmed from knowing that misogyny runs differently in Japan. That 29 year old Emily also realized that she wasn’t wanting to perfect a style of playing, but also to learn something deeper like why she can’t separate herself from taiko. Also, I’m sure that I’m saying nothing original and there are many other taiko or cultural artists who have expressed the same thoughts and reflections I have.

Hiking Takao san with a friend in November

So younger version Emily, you’re here. You’re broke and terrified, and feel liminality approaching. But also, you’ve reached deep happiness. You’ve learned a lot of things that are unrelated to taiko about yourself, your connection to others, and life. Just remember, you can’t please everyone. You can only do you and adjust when warranted.

I recognize I haven’t been posting much because fortunately, I’ve been traveling and learning, so please keep an eye out for a series of posts soon (they’re scheduled so it will happen!) In the meantime, I’m hightailing it to Cebu with Gocoo because Kaoly san is one of the most openhearted, generous people that exists and is letting me come along!

So dear reader, thanks for sticking it through with me. Please feel free to connect if you have any questions about how I managed to pull this off, or what it’s like here. Because although it looks like I’m on a lifetime vacation, it’s an apprenticeship in order to reach something greater. Or at least that’s what I have to tell my Capricorn self who struggles with “chill.”

OH, and food! I COOKED for some taiko friends using some things I learned from Eriko, my shared home, Taro san, and Eri Uchida. On the menu was Koji ginger chicken, Okinawan carrot salad, soba thing, namasu meatball thing, tofu thing with garlic chili oil, and miso shiru from Makisato.

As my English learning students say: That’s it.